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"You're a bad person, you could certainly be a better person"

I was told this so long ago, I cant recall the date with the accuracy I would like. But, I know who said it. And I know that it still makes me upset and paranoid that I'm a bad person even though I know that the person who said it is one of the worst people I've ever had the misfortune of knowing.

Today while I was typing out my CV (yet again the updated version, because I keep doing stuff worth mentioning on it) and I was trying to figure out how to word the week of helping with the Irish Para-Archery team, because it was sort of volunteering and it dredged up this terrible memory... So now I'm remembering this and its making me paranoid that maybe I am a bad person even though I try to do as much good as I can like talking to friends when they're in bad places, and doing charity events and giving money to hospices and signing petitions and then going to England to help the team.... like maybe that isnt enough? 

I dont even know, somewhere through the tears I thought I would be able to make this into a coherent piece of writing but its not. Yet another thing I fail at...
Feeling: depressedtearful, damp despair
Eargasm Of The Moment: Florence and The Machine - Shake It Up

Since I posted here?

So much has changed, and yet it has stayed the same. I'm in college. I hate it. I thought college was meant to be a good experience, but mine has been less than par. Its been putting stress on my body, to the point that in November I started to take severe panic attacks...I'm going to ring the doctor and get them sorted, they're only getting worse to be honest....:(

I can't begin to explain my relationship at the moment. Currently single, but still very much in some form of relationship, however platonic. Seeing one of Andy's friends casually, who is really lovely. Its weird kissing someone who isn't Andy to be honest...Its just weird. And I cant deal with the term "ex" at all. So even tonight at Archery when one of the lads asked me who I was going to Kerry in the summer with, I said "My.........Andy's mates and Andy". I don't want to admit how much that concept-being an Ex- is killing me.

But then B is there and he makes me smile and laugh and he tells me all these lovely things, he makes my heart flutter and my breath catch...I really like him, but he's not looking for anything serious....not that I am, but I would like to be going somewhere, rather than just freezing in time. And Andy says its only temporary, being apart, but I don't know how long temporary is....Like he has lots going on in his head at the minute, but he knows I need him in my life to calm my panic attacks....I just don't know. I need him. I cant function on my own.

I cant function on my own...

Plonked: bed
Feeling: melancholymelancholy
Eargasm Of The Moment: TRS-So Much Love
04 May 2010 @ 04:44 pm
Okies, so its been forever since my last update, which is really bad! So whats new with me?

This weekend just gone was Andy's brothers 21st birthday party, and there was loads of people there, all of Andys friends, some of whom I've gotten to know better since the party!

Things with my friends havent been so good of late, they and Andy had a massive fight on my facebook page, and they have basically told me that I have to lead two lives. Them and Him. Even though thats not fair, I'm willing to let it be for the moment, because they are my friends and I love them. But if we end up in another fight, I'll be bidding them bye bye.
23 March 2010 @ 04:35 pm

So, a few weeks ago I turned 18, and I got new equipment for archery. I got a Win and Win InnoCarbon riser, it looks something like this but its brighter orange...   http://www.abcarchery.com.au/images/Win%20&%20Win%20Carbon%20Inno%20Riser%2025.jpg 

It is an absoloute DREAM to shoot, so smooth and light, even with all my stabilizers and extentions attached... now the limbs, they are Sebastian Flute wood/carbon, 28lb and beautiful!!
http://www.sf-archery.com/images/produits%20pour%20site%20eng/sfcarbonwood.jpg The first night I shot with this new set-up, I actually could not string up the bow. It was so bad. I could barely shoot 30 arrows, but now, its fab, I can string it, shoot it, everything else, without breaking a sweat!!

In other news, I'm going to see Dropkick Murphys in the Olympia Theatre, Dublin on April 22nd and I'm going to put up some youtube links, so y'all can see what Traditional Irish Punk looks like!!




Plonked: living room
Feeling: ecstaticecstatic
Eargasm Of The Moment: my friend on the phone

It has been so long since I posted a blog!! I bet nobody even reads this anymore!

OMG I have amazing news, I'll prob F-lock it, but maybe not...

Yeah, not f-locked but under a cut...Collapse )

Also, I turned 18 a few weeks back and I got a new bow, a Win and Win InnoCarbon with Sebastian Flute Wood/Carbon limbs...ohh man its the best kit ever....Love this new rig out, such smooth shots!!
24 January 2010 @ 02:48 pm


Please view this!
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01 January 2010 @ 05:55 pm
Ok, so I firstly wanna wish everyone a happy new year.

Next I wanna list out my resoloutions.

1. Increase my bow poundage/lose my virginity (those two are of equal importance to me)
2. Become less shy around people.
3. Party more
4. Get a job and subsequently a car.
5. Get into college for Literature and Film Studies.

Now heres the list of stuff thats happening this year so far!

11th Jan--Jimmy Carr
15th-- Andys 18th

14th Feb--Valentines Day

3rd March-- My 18th
17th--Patricks Day
30th--A's 18th

April -- Dropkick Murphys

8th May--D's 18th

June--Andys LC


August-- Freedom Parte dos


Oct--More college

Nov--Still more college

Dec-- Xmas

Through the next year I'm gonna make it my mission to be more loving, more caring, more friendly, prettier, smarter, happier, and a better archer. I want to be a better daughter, neice, auntie, girlfriend, friend etc.

Now, on NYE I stayed in Andys house, and we watched movies, We watched stuff like The Notebook (during which I cried, kissed and fell in love all over again), IngloriousBasterds (I LOL'ed), Austin Powers ("Do I make you horny baby?") and others. We had a beer and generally hung out, watched the countdown and started the new year with a bang. At like, 3.30am, we went into our rooms(forced to sleep apart ): ), texted for a bit, and went to sleep. I woke at 9.30, and lay in his bed for a while until 10.30am, so I could go into him in his brothers room where we made out and stuff. We got dressed, had breakfast, chilled out and watched the Muppets, and then we went home, I love my boyfriend so much. My heart is with him and its safe.

I hope you all had a new year that was everything you wanted it to be and more.
Plonked: Home
Feeling: lovedloved
Eargasm Of The Moment: Lady GaGa (dont laugh, she's cool!!)
29 December 2009 @ 09:56 pm
What are your fondest memories of 2009? What were the low points? All told, what were the most significant events of 2009? Do you wish you could do it all over again?

the lowest point of my 2009 was my exams, which though I passed, I didnt do well in.

the high point, was my boyfriend. he asked me out after he went into hospital and weve been inseperable ever since
27 December 2009 @ 06:44 pm
So! Hope we all had a good xmas! Just thought I'd do a post from my new netbook, and tell y'all I had a great xmas, got myself a new netbook as a present to myself! Also I got a new case for my bow and stuff, bowtowel, books, digital camera and some dvds etc, I had a great xmas, did you?
Plonked: table
Eargasm Of The Moment: tim minchin wossie interview
16 December 2009 @ 10:50 am

First let me wish everyone a Happy Christmas or the equivalent if Christmas isn't you're thing!!

Now onto the update!

So, its been 2 weeks since I updated properly. Whas new? Um I've been having trouble with my friends, D has been in a really bad mood with me of late, he's been lecturing me and making me feel horrible. Its mostly to do with exams and stuff, college and motivation, and thats not cool. I get that he's doing it because he loves me, but he could be a bit nicer. He's had me in tears twice, and both times, its been hysterics. Of course only two people know this, A and Andy.

I think it may have something to do with Andy and how lose I am to him, because before Andy came into my life it was always D and myself. Now its Amy and Andy, and I'm having a hard time balancing my friendships with my relationship. Its hard, and since its my first time having to do so I'm not sure of how to go about it. Any advie out there for a girl on the brink of losing her best male friend?

Next, things with Andy have been going amazingly, he's so wonderful, listening to me when I've had another clasing with D, helping me to figure out whats going on with him and other mates. He has my heart, I trust him enough to give it to him, and he told me his heart is mine. I love him so much, I'd be hollow without him. He's my kulta, and I'm his Baby.

This week at training at the Club, we had a prize night for Christmas and the prizes were just random things, but one was a bracing gauge, which I needed, and was lucky enough to win. So thats saved me some money which I really dont have a lot of because of having to buy Christmas presents.

What else? Hmm, I'm going to be applying for college and stuff soon! Cant wait, and I've decided that if I don't get accepted, I'll just get a job and then go in when I'm 23. I'm going to be a teacher if its to kill me.

Anywho, that's it, I think!

Plonked: Table!!
Feeling: contemplativeGood!
Eargasm Of The Moment: Planet Schmanet Janet -- Rocky Horror OST